Parenting a child with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) can be challenging, as these children often resist and avoid everyday demands. Low demand parenting, sometimes referred to as no demand parenting, is an approach designed to meet the unique needs of children with PDA. Olga Sirbu explores low demand parenting strategies for PDA, their rationale, and practical steps parents can take to foster autonomy while reducing stress and conflict in the household.
Understanding Low Demand Parenting
Low demand parenting is a strategy tailored to children on the autism spectrum who meet the criteria for PDA. These children may exhibit problem behaviors such as aggression, meltdowns, escape behaviors, or destruction when faced with demands. The goal of this approach is to create an environment that minimizes demands while fostering a sense of autonomy and control for the child. However, this does not mean abandoning routines or rules; instead, it’s about presenting them in a non-confrontational way.
Key Principles of Low Demand Parenting
1. Using “First-Then” Language
One of the core principles of low demand parenting is phrasing tasks in a way that avoids direct demands. For instance, instead of saying, “Do your homework now,” you might say, “After we finish homework, we can have TV time.” This statement provides a clear sequence of events and communicates the natural consequence of not completing homework—missing out on TV time—without sounding authoritative.
2. Offering Choices
Giving your child choices is another effective strategy. For example, instead of saying, “Put on your shoes,” you could ask, “What shoes should we wear today? Black, brown, or blue?” By offering choices, you give the child a sense of control, which can reduce resistance and encourage cooperation.
3. Using Clear Statements
Sometimes, children may resist choices altogether. In such cases, using simple and direct statements can be helpful. For example, instead of asking, “What shirt do you want to wear?” you can say, “It’s time to get dressed.” This approach avoids overwhelming the child and sets a clear expectation without being confrontational.
4. Implementing Visual Schedules
Visual schedules can be a powerful tool for some children. These schedules allow children to see a sequence of activities, which can help them prepare for transitions. However, not all children find visual schedules helpful; for some, they may cause frustration or meltdowns. It’s important to observe your child’s response and decide whether this strategy suits their needs.
5. Using Reinforcements or Motivators
Reinforcements can motivate children to complete tasks without feeling pressured. For example, instead of saying, “Go brush your teeth,” you could say, “After we brush our teeth, we can watch a movie.” By associating tasks with enjoyable activities, you create a positive incentive without issuing direct commands.
6. Attaching Demands to Objects
Another technique is to associate demands with objects rather than the parent. For example:
- Playing with toys comes with putting toys away.
- Eating candy means throwing the wrapper in the trash.
In situations like a dentist appointment, you might say, “It turns out we need to go to the dentist. I don’t want to do this either, but we have to.” This shifts the focus away from parental authority and onto external factors or natural consequences.
7. Avoiding the Use of “You”
In all interactions, avoid using phrases like “You need to do your homework” or “You need to get dressed.” Instead, use inclusive language such as “After we do our homework, we will watch TV” or “We have a dentist appointment.” This creates a sense of shared responsibility and reduces the perception of authority.
Benefits of Low Demand Parenting
The low demand parenting approach offers several benefits:
- Reduced Anxiety: By minimizing direct demands, children feel less pressured, which can lead to fewer meltdowns and episodes of aggression.
- Increased Cooperation: Providing choices and fostering autonomy can encourage children to participate in daily activities willingly.
- Improved Parent-Child Relationship: Avoiding confrontational interactions helps build trust and a stronger bond between parent and child.
Challenges and Tips for Implementation
While low demand parenting can be highly effective, it may not work seamlessly for every family. Here are some common challenges and tips to address them:
- Finding the Right Balance: It’s crucial to strike a balance between minimizing demands and maintaining necessary routines and boundaries. Flexibility and experimentation can help you find what works best for your child.
- Consistency: Consistently applying these strategies across all caregivers is essential for success. Communicate the approach to teachers, babysitters, and other family members to ensure consistency.
- Patience: Transitioning to a low demand parenting style can take time. Be patient with yourself and your child as you adapt to these strategies.
- Seeking Support: If you’re struggling, consider consulting a Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA) or other professionals experienced in working with children with PDA.
Parenting Strategies for PDA – Conclusion
Low demand parenting is a compassionate and effective approach for supporting children with PDA. By minimizing demands, offering choices, and fostering a sense of autonomy, parents can create a less stressful and more harmonious environment for their children. While this approach may require patience and adjustment, the long-term benefits for both the child and the parent are well worth the effort.
Also read: How to Manage Visual and motor Stereotypies in Children with Autism
About Olga Sirbu
My name is Olga Sirbu, I am a Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA) and Licensed Applied Behavioral Analyst. My goal is to support and empower families and individuals on the autism spectrum.
Autism Advance is dedicated to training parents and caregivers, providing practical tips, and teaching individuals how to educate kids with autism.
I share evidence-based practices to help you better understand and support individuals with autism. Learn practical strategies to help individuals with autism reach their full potential, as well as gain a deeper understanding and acceptance of autism.
Thank you for considering Autism Advance as a resource for your autism journey.
