Imagine this: you look over at your child, and once again, they’re picking at their lips. Maybe they don’t even notice, but you do. You see the small cuts, sometimes even blood, and you feel that familiar worry rising in your chest. You wonder, How can I stop lip picking without making things worse?
If you’ve asked yourself this question, you’re not alone. Lip picking is a behavior that many children develop, and watching your child struggle with it can be both painful and confusing. This isn’t just a clinical topic—it’s deeply personal for many parents, including myself. I’ve sat on the edge of my child’s bed at night, wondering if I was doing enough, if I was approaching it the right way, and how I could help my child stop lip picking in a loving, effective way.
In this article, we will explore:
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What lip picking is
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Why it happens
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How it shows up in both neurodivergent and neurotypical children
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Six compassionate, practical strategies to help your child stop lip picking
Let’s start by understanding what’s really going on.
What Is Lip Picking?
Lip picking is part of a larger category of behaviors called Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors (BFRBs). These include habits like nail biting, skin picking, hair pulling, cheek chewing, and of course, lip picking. These behaviors often begin in childhood and can continue into adulthood if not addressed.
Children may pick their lips during:
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Moments of boredom
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Times of sensory seeking
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Transitions between activities
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Periods of emotional overwhelm
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Situations that trigger anxiety
It’s essential to remember that these behaviors are not a sign that your child is broken or that you’ve failed as a parent. Instead, they are usually coping mechanisms—a way for your child to meet an internal sensory or emotional need.
Most importantly: the solution is never punishment or shame. What your child needs is understanding, connection, and gentle redirection.
Understanding the Root Cause
When my own child began picking at his lip around age three, I was terrified. I blamed everything—screens, his diet, our routines, even myself. But over time, I realized something crucial: he wasn’t doing this on purpose. He wasn’t trying to frustrate me or hurt himself. He was trying to regulate his feelings and his sensory world.
Lip picking, like many body-focused habits, often serves a purpose:
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It provides sensory input
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It offers emotional relief
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It helps the child feel something—or in some cases, feel less
Recognizing this helped me shift my approach from correction to connection. And that’s where healing begins.
How to Help Your Child Stop Lip Picking: 6 Strategies That Work
Helping your child stop lip picking is a gradual process. There’s no overnight fix, but every small step you take builds trust, safety, and long-term progress. Here are six strategies that have worked both in my home and in my professional experience.
1. Provide Sensory Alternatives
Many children pick their lips to satisfy a sensory need. Rather than trying to eliminate that need, offer safer ways to meet it. Some great sensory alternatives include:
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Chewing gum (if age-appropriate)
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Chewable jewelry or sensory tools
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Biting on an ice pack or popsicle
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Drinking through straws
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Squeezing fidget toys or textured balls
Keep these alternatives accessible during high-risk times like car rides, screen time, or right before bed. Make it easy to redirect—not a power struggle.
2. Use Chapstick as a Habit Replacement
Instead of constantly saying, “Don’t pick your lips,” create a positive routine around applying chapstick. This can turn the urge into a healthy, self-soothing habit. Incorporate chapstick into daily transitions:
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After meals
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Before screen time
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Before brushing teeth
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Anytime they seem distracted
Let your child pick fun scents or flavors to make it more engaging. Applying chapstick becomes a proactive way to stop lip picking without shame.
3. Redirect Immediately But Gently
The way you respond in the moment matters. Catch the behavior early but keep your tone warm and neutral. Try saying:
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“Let’s keep your lips safe. Here’s your chapstick.”
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“Oops, let’s grab your fidget instead.”
Avoid negative comments like:
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“Stop that!”
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“Why are you doing this again?”
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“You’re going to make yourself bleed.”
Shame and frustration only increase stress and can make lip picking worse. Compassionate redirection helps your child feel safe while breaking the habit.
4. Teach Busy Hands and Busy Mouth Habits
Many kids pick because they are bored. Fill their high-risk times with activities that keep their hands and mouth engaged:
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Drawing
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Playing with slime or kinetic sand
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Holding a warm rice bag
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Drinking smoothies through straws
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Blowing bubbles
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Playing simple finger-tapping games
Plan mini routines for car rides, waiting rooms, or quiet times so their hands aren’t free to pick.
5. Use Visual and Verbal Reminders
Younger children, or kids who need frequent cues, can benefit from visual or verbal reminders. Some ideas include:
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A picture of chapstick in their room or near the couch
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A sticky note that says, “Save lips”
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Gentle verbal prompts like, “What can you use instead?”
Keep reminders calm, short, and consistent. Repetition helps rewire the habit and builds new pathways in your child’s brain.
6. Praise Redirection, Not Just Absence
Don’t just wait for the behavior to stop. Actively praise when your child chooses a positive coping tool. Say things like:
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“I saw you grab your fidget instead of picking—great choice!”
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“You used your chewy instead of your lips—well done!”
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“You kept your lips safe all through the movie—that’s awesome!”
Celebrating positive actions builds long-term change. Remember: the goal isn’t perfection—it’s progress.
Stop Lip Picking: Compassion Is the Key
If you take away one thing from this article, let it be this: this isn’t your fault. You didn’t cause this behavior, and your child isn’t trying to be difficult. They’re simply doing the best they can to feel okay in their bodies and in their world.
Helping your child stop lip picking is not about control—it’s about connection. When we approach self-injurious behaviors with patience, compassion, and curiosity, we give our children something even more valuable than habit change—we give them safety. We show them: I’m not here to punish you—I’m here to support you.
That’s where real healing begins.
You’re Not Alone
Lip picking can be an isolating experience for both parents and children. But please know, you’re not alone in this. Thousands of families face similar challenges. By showing up, by trying new strategies, by choosing compassion over frustration—you are already doing something extraordinary.
If this article helped you, please share it with other parents who might be struggling. And I encourage you to reflect on these questions:
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When does your child pick their lips the most?
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What sensory alternatives can you easily introduce?
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How can you make redirection feel safe and encouraging?
The journey to help your child stop lip picking is just that—a journey. You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to keep showing up with love, patience, and the willingness to try again.
Also read: How to Handle Obsessions in Children with Autism
About Olga Sirbu
My name is Olga Sirbu, I am a Board Certified Behavior Analyst (BCBA) and Licensed Applied Behavioral Analyst. My goal is to support and empower families and individuals on the autism spectrum.
Autism Advance is dedicated to training parents and caregivers, providing practical tips, and teaching individuals how to educate kids with autism.
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